Wednesday, can you smell the weekend yet?
This will be a long article, so take a cup of coffee, sit comfortably and stay tuned, if you like this make sure you leave a comment and share your experience as well. My teenage years were the hardest. I had a lot of questions, but I did not want to listen to those who thought that they had answers. I wanted to learn everything myself because I did not believe and did not trust the information that my parents gave me.
I felt a kind of hostility to my parents, because, like most teenagers, I thought that I was an outspoken child. I thought I was out and misunderstood. I convinced myself that my family and the whole world were against me. Over the years, I realized that I was not alone in that feeling. Most teens feel the same. It would be wonderful to have parents who would be helpful in any situation, but this is usually impossible. Our parents are just people, like everybody else, so we often feel that they are wrong, unexplained, lacking understanding of what we are going through. Therefore, as we grow up, many of us try to treat our children differently from how our parents treated us. However, we learn from the surrounding world, so sooner or later we begin to behave and publish the same judgments, which our parents also admired.
I firmly believe that it is essential for us to find the time and learn more about the childhood of our parents. If your parents are alive, you can ask "How was it when you were growing up? What was your family like?" Having learned more about our parents, we can see the model that formed them as of how they are now and at the same time understand why they behaved with us in some way. Knowing them closer, you will be able to build closer mutual relationships based on love, mutual respect, and trust. Many people are already grown up and continue to be in teenager complaints about their power with their parents. Parents can continuously control us, and if you want this to end, you have to stop it yourself. Time to grow and decide what you want. You can start calling your parents by their names. Calling them Mommy and Daddy, when you are in your fourth decade, you'll be clinging to the role of a young child. Begin to become adults; you should not only be children and parents.
I am also worried about the increasing number of suicides in teenagers. This means that more and more young people feel overwhelmed by their commitment to life, and they tend to give up faster without feeling any pleasure in life. A big part of this problem relates to the kind of response to life situations that they get from parents. We try to make them work according to our wishes, or we fail to criticize them. Children 10 or 15 years old can be very critical about themselves. They try to adapt, so they will do their utmost to fit in. When trying to fit everywhere, they conceal real feelings because they are afraid to be rejected and misunderstood. The stress of my teen years, which I experienced while being a teenager, was a bit obtuse compared to the problems these days, but even when I was fifteen, for some reason, I was starting to let myself down. Think about how today's child is baffled by drug abuse, alcoholism, physical violence, sexually transmitted diseases, group wars, family troubles, etc., etc. As a parent, you can discuss with your teenager about the differences between negative and positive social pressures. From the very first moment of our birth to the last day we leave the planet, there is a squeeze of pressure. We need to learn how to deal with it and prevent it from controlling. It is essential to know why your children are shy, disobedient, sad, slow or not fit in school. Children are heavily influenced by the habits of thinking and thinking that they acquire at home so that he or she makes decisions on a daily basis in this belief system. If the house is not based on love and trust, the child will seek love, and compassion elsewhere. Often children feel safe in their "company." Though imperfect, it responds as their family. I firmly believe that many seriously wrong attempts in life would be avoided if we could encourage young people to ask ourselves a critical question before doing something: "Will this make me feel better?" We can help teenagers choose in each situation. Choice and sense of responsibility bring power back to our hands. It makes them not to feel like the victims of the system. If we can persuade children that they are not victims and can change their experience, taking responsibility for their lives, we will begin to see significant changes.
It is still vital to keep in touch with children, especially when they start reaching teenage. Most often, when children start talking about their favorite and most disliked things, they are repeatedly told "Do not say so. Do not do this. Do not think so. Do not do this, no, no no. "Finally, the children stop communicating and sometimes leave their homes. If you want your children to stay in touch with you, stay in touch with them while they are younger. Praise your child's uniqueness. Encourage teenagers to express themselves the way they want, even though this sounds just as a joke to you. Do not hang them, do not submerge them. During my life, I had loads of “I want to do this and that,” I think it will be so for your teenagers.
Remember that children never behave like they are being told to. They act in the way they see us moving. You can not say "Do not smoke, do not drink" if you do it yourself. We need to be an example and live a life that we would like for our children. When parents try to love themselves, it's great to see harmony in the family. Children reward a new sense of self-esteem, begin to respect and appreciate who they are.
*And this stage is the most important. If the family is at risk of divorce or the parents are already divorced, it is essential that each parent support the kid. It's harrowing for a child to say that one of the parents is bad. As parents, you have to love yourself, regardless of any anger. Kids will choose feelings for you. If you experience a lot of noise and pain, children will learn it. Explain that your "nothingness" has nothing to do with them and their intrinsic value. Explain to them that what happened was not due to their fault, because sometimes children think that way. Let them know that you love them.
Parents who love themselves will understand that it is so easy to teach children to enjoy themselves. If we respect ourselves, then by our example we can teach kids. The more we try to love ourselves, the more and our children will understand that this is a great thing and will like us and ourselves more.